Saturday, December 31, 2011

UPDATE!!! The Horror of Urban Exploration

I forgot part of the story from my last post: The Horror of Urban Exploration. I'm sorry. I am a terrible person. I am a forgetful person. I am a person with ADHD...

And you know what they say about ADHD, right? You don't? Well, hell!

Ask me about my attention deficit disorder... or pie... or my cat. Wait! A dog!. I have a bike. Do you like tv? I saw a rock. Hi.

Well... you get the point.


When I went into the building to take my photos, there were six or seven children in the neighborhood all playing... Like children do. Or, rather, like I assume children do. For all I know, they spend their time plotting my downfall... Or I might just be paranoid, but I don't think so.


I walked out of the building and the children were all gathered along the fence, having heard the scream. You didn't read the last post? Shame on you... Recap: I was taking photos in a school that was pretty much destroyed by Hurricane fuck-em-all Katrina. I heard someone... something... well, hell... I heard a cat wearing boots. I know you are picturing Puss in Boots, but this guy was an ass. ANYWAY... I backed away from the approaching *Shuffle Thump* only to hear a raspy groany sound RIGHT behind me and someone GRABBED MY BACKPACK... only it wasn't someone... it was a pipe hanging from the ceiling. When the pipe person grabbed me I SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!

So, when I left the school, these children were gathered along the fence waiting. As I walked to them, I am pretty sure my face was glowing in the fading sunlight... it felt like it was on fire. The smallest of the children cleared his throat.

I stopped and looked down at him. (I'm 6'9", so it was a ways down.) He looked up at me through the clouds and said, "Was there someoneone else in there with you?"

I could have told him, "Yeah... and I rocked her world!" but I was kind of feeling emasculated so I couldn't summon that bravado.

I could have said, "Yeah, and you're next!" but I was already kind of technically trespassing and the police have those shiny bracelets that just don't go with anything else I own.

I could have said, "Go f&*% yourself!" but there were, like, six or seven of them and I wasn't sure I had the testosterone left to survive a confrontation after that screaming display of manliness.

So I did the only thing I could... I looked at him and said, "Yup! That was ALL ME, BUDDY!

UPDATE!!! The second.

As I sat here reading this aloud...

Yes, I read these aloud. It is a valid form of proof reading. Reading things out loud utilizes a different part of the brain so you catch things you wouldn't otherwise... Ya know what? I don't owe you an explanation!

As I sat here reading this aloud, I look over and I see my cat, Lilly.

She is sitting there, listening to every word I say...

And. She. Is. Judging. Me.

I knew you wouldn't believe me so I took a picture of her judging me... here it is.

This is Lilly. She IS judging me. And you.
See? Do you see??? I told you! That cat is full of judgement!

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